Dealing with Envious Friends
I once read a poll that asked participants which of two choices they preferred:
A.) Earning 100K salary but your friends would get 120K.
Or
B.) Earning 50K but your friends would make only 40K.
Surprisingly, more people chose option B. They’d rather earn less dinero overall as long is it meant they earned more that their friends did.
Yikes, that is some serious misery, there.
I don’t know how many people were polled, or who they were, so I don’t know if the sample was a good representation of the population as a whole. It might or might not extrapolate well.
But it does tell us this: At least in this group, there are some seriously F’ed up people.
First off, why would you have friends you’d rather see fail even if it meant you failed too, though not as much? You’d forgo your own success as long as your friend didn’t survive? Do you dislike your friends that much?
Second, is your happiness so related to others’ misfortune? Would you rather be miserable if it meant your friends were miserable too? Can you say Schadenfreude?
I realize that misery loves company, but even at the expense of your own success?
If you’re lacking so much that your happiness depends on others failing, or you being better than they are, then you’ll always be suffering. Feeling whole and happy can never come from anyone else but yourself. You can’t compare yourself to others because you’ll never win. Somebody somewhere in some way will
always be “better” than you.
Instead, focus on fixing yourself, and that’s all.
Look, as you change your body into its rightful spectacular awesomeness, there will be people in your life that will be envious of your new lean, mean and fit physique. It’s going to happen.
That in itself might be the only thing that motivates you to start exercising. If that’s the case, then use it. But realize you’ll need to find something more substantial to hang your hat on. It’s not enough to keep you going.
Plus, it won’t feel as good as an internal desire to improve, rather than an external motivation to be better than another.
We all feel envy from time to time, and that’s a normal human emotion. As I said, it can be used to drive your ambition, but only up to a point. A very limited small point. In the long run, envy will make you miserable and you’ll self-destruct. Eventually you’ll quit and complain about someone or something else.
Fitness is about you improving yourself, irrespective of anyone else. No one else matters in this equation. Really. When you do become successful, others’ opinions won’t matter at all.
If you’re envious of your friends then be honest with yourself. Note it, and realize your happiness is unrelated to anyone but yourself. Then put it aside, and go exercise. You’ll soon impress your own self on how awesome you’re becoming.
And if your friends are so petty that they want to see you fail and can’t be happy for your new fitness supremacy, then dump ‘em like yesterday’s trash.
All the best,
Eddie Baran
P.S. Someone once wrote “It is not enough that you succeed. It’s equally important that your friends fail.” Sheesh, what kind of friends is this guy keeping? Be happy for your success and for your friends’.
